How come everyone wants to live forever, but nobody wants to get old?
You can juice to clean the inside, Botox to plump up the outside, and insist your grandkids call you “Gla-Ma.” But you cannot escape becoming a Grandma or Grandpa. Thirteen signs that it’s already happening:
-You understand why grandmas like to bring a sweater with them wherever they go, “just in case.”
-You would prefer to eat at the restaurant early, to “beat the crowd.”
-You don’t even consider going out on New Year’s Eve.
-Doctors, dentists, and pilots look alarmingly young.
-You wake up at 6 a.m. without an alarm clock.
-When you receive a Christmas card from a friend, your first thought is, “My God, those kids got old.”
-You’ve considered writing an angry letter to the publishers of any magazine lecturing them on readable font size.
-You know what a font is.
-You tell your family that you don’t need anything for Christmas, and you really mean it.
-You can sing the entire Brady Bunch theme song, but can’t remember what you had for lunch yesterday or why you just walked into the bathroom.
-You don’t know who the celebrities are in People magazine anymore, and what’s more, you don’t care.
-You tell random kids that you see outside in the winter to put a coat on.
And the No. 1 sign that you might be a grandma:
-You’re really looking forward to your next cortisone injection. Because that doctor is SO NICE!